super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He shit in the fireplace
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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