i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
