I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
