how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
