ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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