somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
