you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
