So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
