I seem to have left my pride at pride
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
