i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
