I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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