just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
