Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
