Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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