When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Randomize
