Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
