I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize