You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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