I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
