i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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