ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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