you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
