last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
