Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize