I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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