I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
