then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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