chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
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I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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