I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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