So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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