Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
