end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
