That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
