well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
