So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
