Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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