Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
