I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
