I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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