I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
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You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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