life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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