I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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