so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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