You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
