There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
