I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
