forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
