Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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