U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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