I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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