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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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