I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
