i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
