the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
