I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
