How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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