Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize