YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
