I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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