It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
