you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
