I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
