How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
