i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
