She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
