Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
