It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
