told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If I die, sorry about rent.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
