They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
