Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
