a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
