Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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