We're facebook friends in real life
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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