Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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