I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
