wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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