Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
